i've spent the past month trying to keep track of my dreams. i have failed miserably.

i am perhaps asleep more than i am awake.

i struggle. to fall asleep.
i struggle. to wake.

every night is an escape.
every morning i am torn from it.


i just want to sleep. to sleep. sleep. i dig my nails into the fabric of dreams and hold it close.



i have no explanation for my lethargy. i do not engage in strenuous activity. physical or mental.

i think i've lost my ability to write fluently. maybe i never really could.

i don't feel like i have anything to live for. it could be the cause for my tiredness.


haven't bought a pack in a week. maybe. i don't remember any more. i'm 2 weeks overdue. should have kept that one promise to myself.


maybe it's the pills. i could be overdosing. if only i kept the label.


i'm falling asleep.
i should go sleep.

i should go eat.



"Abandon you again, I won't feel, not this time"